33 Things I Learned.

Your 30s have a way of humbling you, grounding you, and waking you up all at once. They teach you what truly matters, what no longer fits, and who you are when the noise fades. These lessons didn’t come all at once—they came through heartbreak, healing, growth, mistakes, quiet moments, and hard choices.

Here are 33 things I learned in my 30s, shared with honesty, grace, and love.

1. It’s okay to not be okay. You do not need to be perfect all the time.

2. You don’t need all the answers to move forward. Trust the process.

3. Peace is more valuable than being right or being chosen.

4. Your past explains you, it does not define you.

5. Mistakes are lessons, not life sentences.

6. Take the risk. Take the chance.

7. The right path often feels unfamiliar and uncertain. Keep going.

8. Rest is productive. Burnout is costly. Don’t overwork or overwhelm yourself. Work smarter, not harder.

9. Heal first so you don’t bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

10. Don’t date a nonchalant man. Date a man who is open, patient, affectionate, emotionally available, and aligned, not just attractive or ambitious.

11. Love should feel safe, consistent, and calm (even when it is bad). Chaos is not chemistry. Any form of abuse is not love. You do not have to walk on eggshells to be loved, nor jump through hoops.

12. Never shrink from being chosen. Love doesn’t require self-abandonment or sabotage.

13. Boundaries protect the person you’re becoming.

14. Self-respect will cost you some connections or relationships. Pay the price.

15. Loneliness is better than living misunderstood, in misery, and discomfort.

16. Take care of yourself first, to be a better person, partner, and parent.

17. Pour into yourself before you pour into everyone else. Don’t treat yourself like an option; you are a priority. You are responsible for your own happiness.

18. Your body tells the truth; listen early.

19. Your mental and emotional health is just as important as your physical health. Mental and emotional health deserve the same attention as physical health.

20. Have only the number of children you can mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially support. Don’t let anyone force you to have more than you can bear. Children are a big responsibility, and parenting can be exhausting.

21. Children learn more from what you model than what you tell them.

22. You will outgrow people and things. Healing changes your taste in relationships, situations, and environments.

23. Not everyone deserves access to the healed version of you. Not everyone wants to see you win or be happy. Some people like it when you are down and out.

24. Planning your life takes strength and wisdom. Following through with your plan takes discipline and self-control.

25. Money comes and goes. Money is a tool. Learn how to manage it early.

26. Silence is an answer. Stop negotiating with it. No response is a response.

27. You are allowed to start over with discernment and dignity. Try again until you get it right.

28. Alignment and stability feel like peace, not anxiety or fear.

29. You don’t need to prove yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you. Healthy love supports your growth instead of tearing you down.

30. Marriage is 100/100. 0/0. 0/100. 60/40. 50/50. Marry the person who wants to be more than just the title or role. Being committed is not easy; no partnership is perfect, but it can be worth it. Marry the person who has your back. Marry your homie, lover, partner, and best friend.

31. Your feelings are valid, your actions are not. Walking away takes strength. Actions have consequences. Let karma handle it.

32. Start teaching your kids young. Teach them everything you wish you'd known at that age and more.

33. Offer support with both grace and standards. Learn how to show up in ways that uplift without rescuing, enabling, or overextending yourself. Create healthy distance from entitlement and the urge to do it all. Remember this truth: you may be obligated to care, but you are not responsible for fixing everything. Your family’s struggles are not yours to clean up. You can extend a hand, share wisdom, and provide moral support, without carrying burdens that were never meant to be yours.

Recap

Taking care of yourself benefits your overall well-being and mental health. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable. You don’t have to be perfect or have everything figured out. Pour into yourself, cut yourself some slack, and try again.

You are responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your peace.